As people who each love a person with BPD, we need to understand as much as we can about the disorder to try to make sense of it. We also need to know there is hope for our relationships with our loved ones and recognise the opportunity for us to live fulfilling and, even enriched lives, as well.
To improve our relationship with a loved one with BPD, some excellent tools are available, eg validation and limit (or boundary) setting, though using these tools effectively does require many layers of understanding. At first their use may seem easy enough but, with further implementation, we may appreciate that it is not that simple. Do not be discouraged.Find what is best to start with and gradually add new skills as appropriate. When we integrate these tools into our lives, we can begin to see that there is much more to them than meets the eye.
The lists here direct us to learning with all these factors taken into account and are resources relevant to anyone who has a person with BPD in their life. Enjoy the learning.
Porr, Valerie: Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder.
A general introduction to BPD by the mother of a daughter with BPD, the book includes chapters on Validation and Boundaries and also the therapy Mentalisation. Sympathetic to the family members affected by BPD as well as the person with BPD, Valerie is behind the Tara Organisation based in New York.
Aguirre, Blaise A., Md: Borderline Personality Disorder in Adolescents:
A Complete Guide to Understanding and Coping When Your Adolescent Has BPD. Fair Winds USA; 1st edition 2007.This book deals with adolescents with BPD specifically. It includes information on treatments, comparison with other diagnoses, how to know when inpatient treatment is necessary and information on the tools of validation and boundary setting.
Gunderson, John G Md. & Berkowitz, Cynthia Md.: Family Guidelines – Multiple Family Group Program. New England Personality Disorder Association, 2006.
It can be found at: www.bpdfamily.com
BPD Resource Centre, New York Presbyterian Hospital: Back From the Edge – Borderline Personality Disorder This excellent video explains BPD from the perspectives of 3 adults who recovered from BPD. It also explains the neurobiological basis for the disorder. Follow the link to view the video.
Adapted from articles by Steven Gans Md & John M. Grohol, Psy.D. and published for the American Psychiatric Association, this short piece briefly explains CBT, TFT, DBT, SFT, and MBT a number of different therapies used to treat BPD. Follow the link.
Adapted from articles by Steven Gans Md & John M. Grohol, Psy.D. and published for the American Psychiatric Association, this short piece briefly explains CBT, TFT, DBT, SFT, and MBT a number of different therapies used to treat BPD. Follow the link
Facing the Facts: A USA based website for support and guidance for families and partners of people with BPD. This site has discussion forums, workshops, articles and other resources to inform and support. Follow the link
Spectrum: Spectrum is a Victorian Mental Health Service for personality disorders. See their recently published 2015 Guide to Accessing Services for BPD in Victoria. Follow the link
This is Validation:
Lundsberg, G & J: You don’t have to make everything all better Penguin, 2000.
A general self-help manual, this book explains validation and why and how it works. A great primer.
Non Violent Communication – A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD, published by Puddle Dancer Press Book, Encinstas, CA, USA
Fruzzetti, Alan Ph D: Encouraging Peace in a BPD Family Fruzzetti explains the differences between validating and invalidating responses and BPD, and why it can be so hard to do. Alan has a number of excellent videos on BPD, DBT and so forth. Follow the video link.
Rosenberg, Marshall Ph D: The Difference between Feelings and Thoughts. Marshall has excellent videos on YouTube on ‘non-violent communication’. His work has a deep philosophical basis and it takes validation to a deeper level for us. This 12 minute video is highly recommended to help us understand the concept of validation. Follow the video link
Cloud, H & Townsend, J: Boundaries – when to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life.
This book is a self-help manual not designed for people with BPD or their families, but for people in general. It has a distinct Christian perspective but this should not impede the valuable learning in this book.
Kreger, Randi: Stop Walking on Eggshells: Secrets of Limit Setting. This video is by one of the esteemed authors on the subject of BPD, Randi Kreger. She has been an advocate for family members of those with BPD since 1995. Follow the video link
Williams, Mark & Penman, Danny: Mindfulness:
An Eight Week plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World. Nov 2012.
Kabat-Zinn, Jon Dr: What is Mindfulness? This 5 min video is an excellent introduction to what mindfulness is. There are also longer videos by Jon on YouTube, especially recommended are his work on compassion, on becoming conscious and an hour long guided meditation.Follow the video link.
Van Gelder, Keira: The Buddha and the Borderline.
In this memoir, Keira outlines her journey from a seriously ill self-harming young woman with BPD, to a highly regarded artist and author in full recovery. Her story is inspirational. She is on UTube also: Beyond Remission: Mapping BPD Recovery.
Wang, Amanda: Rethinking BPD: A Patient’s View. This video just over 8 minutes long explains to us why love is not enough. Amanda is lead organizer of RethinkBPD, a peer-led advocacy and support group for Borderline Personality Disorder. She is an inspiration. Follow the video link.
Lineham, Marsha: Rethinking BPD: A Clinician’s View. For 25 minutes, Marsha explains how Dialectical Behaviour Treatment came about and why it works. It is a fascinating talk. Follow the video link.